We Are All Adam Lanza's Mother

Originally published on Google+

Charlotte Bacon

My parents brought us up without guns.  They absolutely hate handguns.  There was a time when I was tiny, that my mother hid with me in a closet while my father talked down a man who had run into our yard and house with a gun, on the run from the police.   They only spoke of it once, and from their demeanor, I decided I shouldn't press them for details.

Rachel D'Avino

They certainly weren't unfamiliar with guns.  My mother grew up on a farm, where a rifle is a tool, used for protection from predators and a source of food.  My father would routinely go out into the desert with uncles and cousins to cut wood for sale (mesquite roots and yucca).  They'd hunt rabbits by running them down and killing them with knives.  The rifle would be carried by an uncle and only used for protection.  Dad's mother had a rifle in her closet, unloaded, that she'd occasionally use to intimidate the thug wannabe's that would sometimes be lurking around her backyard in the middle of the city.

Olivia Engel

One thing that was always pressed home was that guns are for killing, nothing else.  Whether it's called "protection", "hunting", or a "show of strength", guns are  made for killing.  They could even kill you if you were stupid, cleaning it wrong, carrying it wrong, or treating it like a toy.  I have at least three relatives and almost a half dozen extended acquaintances who have died accidental gun deaths.  Some were responsible, some weren't.

Dylan Hockley

My first close encounter with a handgun was in a packed car of teenagers driving through Chihuahua to an orphanage for charity work.  The girls were jittery and laughing and someone said, "why aren't you afraid to drive around here so fast?".  The girl driving calmly opened the glove compartment and pulled out her handgun.  She held it properly, away from everyone, but showed it clearly.  It went back into the glove compartment and everyone shut up and listened to the music.

Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung

I've got friends who have taught their kids to shoot.  I've only shot practice rifles.  We don't have guns at home, though we're considering getting educated on them.  I'm not afraid of criminals with guns as much as I'm afraid of gun nuts "enthusiasts".

Jesse Lewis

There's something eerily similar about the attitude of the gunman's mother and the attitude of the enthusiasts and their sympathizers.  The boy could only be calmed by his mother, but others saw him as violent and dangerous.  Gun enthusiasts strike me as "calmed" when they have their security blanket (stockpiles) secured.  They are especially calmed when even the slightest hint of mental problems are cited as a factor in any shooting, whether there are two or twenty victims.  Ah, they chorus, there's nothing that could have been done.  We are absolved.

Ana Marquez-Greene

AND THE REST OF US DO THE SAME

Grace McDonnell

The story about the frog jumping out of hot water but staying for the slowly heating water is a myth, but the human tendency to think that things aren't so bad until they are is absolutely true.  How long should a mother wait to see if her child will "grow out of it"?  How many times should a father have to restrain his child until he's too big or too heavily armed?  How many times do you need to be told by an administrator that your child can't be in the same room as the other kids because of the frequent outbursts?

Anne Marie Murphy

The answer is sometimes not enough; the answer is sometimes not soon enough; the answer is sometimes schools would rather exclude than try to heal.  The answer is that some parents would rather withdraw and "take care of it themselves" rather than seek professional help.  The answer is that there is, many times NO FUCKING HELP.  Blame and tame isn't a catchphrase, but it might as well be.  Prison, or better, death, for the offender, blame for the parents.  Dust off our hands and call it handled.  Certainly we would never let that happen in our family.

Emilie Parker

And another answer is, there is a reward for "going nuts".  We literally have high-scorers listed on the news and Wikipedia, right there for our consumption.  We entertain ourselves with high body counts in movies and television shows.  The Transformers franchise alone has a higher body count than the current set of wars, though the people die much more cleanly; turning to red dust and thoughtfully leaving their clothes behind.

Noah Ponzer

How many people need to die before we all understand that the answer isn't more guns or less guns or more enforcement of laws that either do or don't exist?  How many times will we justify our already firm positions with fucking ridiculous claims about schools and God and morals that have nothing to do with what's going on?

Jessica Rekos

How long will we deny that there are families right now that need help raising their kids - even families that aren't dealing with a medical mental illness are struggling.  Those are real problems. Problems that aren't solved by calling the "opposition" crazed or fascist or socialist.  They aren't the opposition. They are your neighbors.  Teacher, who is my neighbor?

Lauren Rousseau

How long will we deny that it's impossible to gather up all the guns and thus ensure peace in our time?  How long will we claim that there's absolutely nothing wrong with stockpiling bunkers full of guns and ammo in fear of "the government" which absolutely has more firepower than you could dream of having?

Mary Sherlach

This is not a gun control problem alone.  This is not a mental health problem alone.  This is not a problem of not enough or too much religion.  This is not a problem of the failure of laws or the failure of a mental health "system".  This is a failure of all of us.

Victoria Soto

One time on vacation, I had a horrible time controlling my children in a grocery store.  A man in a camouflage cap burst out, saying, "These are the worst behaved children I've ever seen!"  Angry myself, I replied, "I try" and dragged them out of the store.  I would have done it without purchasing anything, but I had to get this errand done.

Daniel Barden

Other times I've been helped by people around me, whether it was to nudge them back into place, a neighbor offering me some time alone, or a friend listening to my anguish on the phone for an hour or two.

Josephine Gay

And sometimes it was a friend or professional saying, "this isn't normal, this requires more than what you've been doing.  This is the number of a support group, and here's someone who can help you take care of yourself."

Madeleine Hsu

The blame lies not in our stars, but in ourselves.  The taming is harder, but must, must, must come from us, working together.

Catherine Hubbard

Lone gunmen don't appear in a vacuum.  They come from us.

Chase Kowalski
James Mattoli
Jack Pinto
Caroline Prevdi
Avielle Richman
Benjamin Wheeler
Allison Wyatt

Nancy Lanza

Adam Lanza

*clears throat*

Again, you're welcome.

We've been arguing over Federalism since we started.  This isn't the beginning of the ending of anything.  It's what we do. 

We need a new term, so here it is: RAGE attack

I was reading an article on gay bashing in high schools, and had a flashback so hard it was nuts.  It felt so much like a panic attack, but there was nothing to panic about.

I took an anxiety pill anyway, and allowed the memory back.  In short, there was a point in middle school where just about every boy in 6th and/or 7th grade decided I was fair game for what I can only describe as "rude construction worker" - as in, even construction workers don't yell out your name and lift up their shirts and prance at you.  They'd chant my name, sometimes in unison, and try to get my attention.  It wasn't so much premeditated as flash-mobby.  I had no idea what they were on about, so I'd look at them and then away, and go about my business.  It was impossible to ignore, but at the same time I knew from my time being bullied, and, well, being a bully, that getting bent out shape or complaining wasn't going to do anything.  There were certain teachers who's classrooms they wouldn't dare try it in or around, but the good ones can't be everywhere.

It would happen in the halls, or recess, or at lunch, but one day it happened in the gym, during PE.  We'd all changed into our shorts and tshirts. The boys were in the bleachers, stacked up to be ready to go outside.  The girls were getting stacked up in the bleachers on the other side of the gym, to be ready for whatever we were going to do inside the gym.

When I came out of the changing room there was a deafening roar.  Every damned one of those boys went fucking nuts. Technically they all stayed seated in the bleacher area, but it was like some crazy burlesque, all of them clamoring for attention.  I stared at them, puzzled for a few seconds, then shook my head and went to the bleachers.

I don't remember what my feelings were at the time.  I've blocked so much of my life out, and I'd really rather it stayed blocked, thanks. But one thing I remember now, and that's where the RAGE came from.  The Coach.  He just fucking stood there and smiled his amusement.  I don't remember what the girls were doing. I think some of them were laughing at the spectacle at the boys and not necessarily at me. (I'm sure some of them were, but what else was new?)  I knew the girls' coach didn't care - she hated my family, so I deserved whatever I got.

But the coach.  Goddammit.  It might have been all of a minute.  But it's stayed with me, apparently.  The article mentions kids who had all the home support they could ask for, and still tried to (and sometimes did) kill themselves.

I do feel a little like the one girl who made it through.  She's not the happy trippy kid she was.  There's a shell that I recognize, and that I try to project myself.  I know, goddamn, I know.

Slime like Barb Anderson* are in the midst of their own gay-panic.  Panic that takei will be "normal".  Panic that their perceived control over America will be over once takei take over.  Panic that people like her will be a minority, and they know exactly how minorities are treated and don't want to be in that position.  So instead of fighting for the rights of minorities, Slime like Barb Anderson and her PALs are fighting to keep the "abnormals" in their place, because dog knows you don't want to fall down from such a high perch.

Trouble is, you can't keep people down without staying down there with them.


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*Oh, yes, I will call you slime, for thinking you can just force everyone to conform to your twisted version of the bible. I will call you slime for lying about what it is to be gay.  I will call you slime for even implying that ANYONE deserves to be bullied.  I'm already laughing at you composing an email telling me you're "hurt" and "offended" by me.  That you feel "bullied".  You don't know from bullied.  It's what people with power do to people without power, who have no recourse but to take it. All you have to do is close the browser window.

My A-Biden Love: my man Joe slips Obama a Thunderstone

Well!  In a year that's mostly been too boring for words, we finally have our only president telling us what we already knew and what he should have said anyway, anybody ought to be able to marry the man or woman they love: same, opposite, whatever. 

I've got the White House in my Google Plus stream (oh, don't hate, it's a nice place) so I'd seen it go by. Yay!  About time.

Since it's, you know, sensible, I didn't think to question why now except to note that something about the Republicans was finally winding down.  It'd be a safe bet, and it would get lost in you know, the fact that it's obvious and we're busy trying to get the economy back on line and end our stupid little wars.  You know, grown up stuff.

And honestly, I think I'm right. All I saw from my neo-con buddies was the same old LIBAERALS BAD.  Nothing about Obama except the professional Big C conservatives (Hi, Mark! How's business?)  who make money separating the fools from their money in the form of bumper stickers and daily affirmations.

I'm sorry to have to break it to you, regressives, but you're on the wrong side of history, the wrong side of demographics, and the wrong side of wrong.  The younger Repubs just don't care, and the ones with the money can see that, so they're not pushing it that hard.

So really, no big deal. Until I hear that some folks are trying to resuscitate that dead horse, the "Joe Biden gaffe".   One fellow goes so far as to demand, DEMAND that Joe be replaced by da Hilz*

Oh, the humanity. Seriously people, grow up.

Every four years we get the Worst VP Candidate Ever. There is no good selection "process".  We'd almost do better to go back to the Original Concept and just take whoever comes in second for prez in the Electoral College.
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*Yeah, I'm gonna totally call her that, she's earned a nickname.