Tuesday, December 18, 2012

We Are All Adam Lanza's Mother

Originally published on Google+

Charlotte Bacon

My parents brought us up without guns.  They absolutely hate handguns.  There was a time when I was tiny, that my mother hid with me in a closet while my father talked down a man who had run into our yard and house with a gun, on the run from the police.   They only spoke of it once, and from their demeanor, I decided I shouldn't press them for details.

Rachel D'Avino

They certainly weren't unfamiliar with guns.  My mother grew up on a farm, where a rifle is a tool, used for protection from predators and a source of food.  My father would routinely go out into the desert with uncles and cousins to cut wood for sale (mesquite roots and yucca).  They'd hunt rabbits by running them down and killing them with knives.  The rifle would be carried by an uncle and only used for protection.  Dad's mother had a rifle in her closet, unloaded, that she'd occasionally use to intimidate the thug wannabe's that would sometimes be lurking around her backyard in the middle of the city.

Olivia Engel

One thing that was always pressed home was that guns are for killing, nothing else.  Whether it's called "protection", "hunting", or a "show of strength", guns are  made for killing.  They could even kill you if you were stupid, cleaning it wrong, carrying it wrong, or treating it like a toy.  I have at least three relatives and almost a half dozen extended acquaintances who have died accidental gun deaths.  Some were responsible, some weren't.

Dylan Hockley

My first close encounter with a handgun was in a packed car of teenagers driving through Chihuahua to an orphanage for charity work.  The girls were jittery and laughing and someone said, "why aren't you afraid to drive around here so fast?".  The girl driving calmly opened the glove compartment and pulled out her handgun.  She held it properly, away from everyone, but showed it clearly.  It went back into the glove compartment and everyone shut up and listened to the music.

Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung

I've got friends who have taught their kids to shoot.  I've only shot practice rifles.  We don't have guns at home, though we're considering getting educated on them.  I'm not afraid of criminals with guns as much as I'm afraid of gun nuts "enthusiasts".

Jesse Lewis

There's something eerily similar about the attitude of the gunman's mother and the attitude of the enthusiasts and their sympathizers.  The boy could only be calmed by his mother, but others saw him as violent and dangerous.  Gun enthusiasts strike me as "calmed" when they have their security blanket (stockpiles) secured.  They are especially calmed when even the slightest hint of mental problems are cited as a factor in any shooting, whether there are two or twenty victims.  Ah, they chorus, there's nothing that could have been done.  We are absolved.

Ana Marquez-Greene

AND THE REST OF US DO THE SAME

Grace McDonnell

The story about the frog jumping out of hot water but staying for the slowly heating water is a myth, but the human tendency to think that things aren't so bad until they are is absolutely true.  How long should a mother wait to see if her child will "grow out of it"?  How many times should a father have to restrain his child until he's too big or too heavily armed?  How many times do you need to be told by an administrator that your child can't be in the same room as the other kids because of the frequent outbursts?

Anne Marie Murphy

The answer is sometimes not enough; the answer is sometimes not soon enough; the answer is sometimes schools would rather exclude than try to heal.  The answer is that some parents would rather withdraw and "take care of it themselves" rather than seek professional help.  The answer is that there is, many times NO FUCKING HELP.  Blame and tame isn't a catchphrase, but it might as well be.  Prison, or better, death, for the offender, blame for the parents.  Dust off our hands and call it handled.  Certainly we would never let that happen in our family.

Emilie Parker

And another answer is, there is a reward for "going nuts".  We literally have high-scorers listed on the news and Wikipedia, right there for our consumption.  We entertain ourselves with high body counts in movies and television shows.  The Transformers franchise alone has a higher body count than the current set of wars, though the people die much more cleanly; turning to red dust and thoughtfully leaving their clothes behind.

Noah Ponzer

How many people need to die before we all understand that the answer isn't more guns or less guns or more enforcement of laws that either do or don't exist?  How many times will we justify our already firm positions with fucking ridiculous claims about schools and God and morals that have nothing to do with what's going on?

Jessica Rekos

How long will we deny that there are families right now that need help raising their kids - even families that aren't dealing with a medical mental illness are struggling.  Those are real problems. Problems that aren't solved by calling the "opposition" crazed or fascist or socialist.  They aren't the opposition. They are your neighbors.  Teacher, who is my neighbor?

Lauren Rousseau

How long will we deny that it's impossible to gather up all the guns and thus ensure peace in our time?  How long will we claim that there's absolutely nothing wrong with stockpiling bunkers full of guns and ammo in fear of "the government" which absolutely has more firepower than you could dream of having?

Mary Sherlach

This is not a gun control problem alone.  This is not a mental health problem alone.  This is not a problem of not enough or too much religion.  This is not a problem of the failure of laws or the failure of a mental health "system".  This is a failure of all of us.

Victoria Soto

One time on vacation, I had a horrible time controlling my children in a grocery store.  A man in a camouflage cap burst out, saying, "These are the worst behaved children I've ever seen!"  Angry myself, I replied, "I try" and dragged them out of the store.  I would have done it without purchasing anything, but I had to get this errand done.

Daniel Barden

Other times I've been helped by people around me, whether it was to nudge them back into place, a neighbor offering me some time alone, or a friend listening to my anguish on the phone for an hour or two.

Josephine Gay

And sometimes it was a friend or professional saying, "this isn't normal, this requires more than what you've been doing.  This is the number of a support group, and here's someone who can help you take care of yourself."

Madeleine Hsu

The blame lies not in our stars, but in ourselves.  The taming is harder, but must, must, must come from us, working together.

Catherine Hubbard

Lone gunmen don't appear in a vacuum.  They come from us.

Chase Kowalski
James Mattoli
Jack Pinto
Caroline Prevdi
Avielle Richman
Benjamin Wheeler
Allison Wyatt

Nancy Lanza


Adam Lanza


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