Shootout in Texas: Hutch deploys the Teab*gger as human sheild and tactical nuke

We had our Republican candidate debate last night here in the Lone Star State. (archive vid here)  Oh, if only our Presidential debates had been so entertaining.

First, our Stunt Governor, who, predictably, turned down education funding for Texas, saying we're doing just fine, thanks. 

Next up, Hutch, our Senior Senator, who for some reason, wants to come back to Texas to stay.

Last up, a surprise visitor, a token TeaB*gger.  I have no idea how these things are decided, but sure, the more the merrier.  I'm not sure of her qualifications, but she's elligible, so hey.

First we have commercials from Lockheed(with Rocket Day!) and AARP(you can trust us to represnt you, really!). 

Oh, the audio isn't synced up, that's distracting.  Hope they fix that in the archive.  Anyway, introductions all around, and we start off with the first question: Just how crazy are you?  Would you really secede, and if there's something the feds do that you like, how would you replicate it here?

Perry likes the military.  He'd take care of our veterans and men and women in uniform.  Then an attempt to be funny, saying the feds should deliver mail, protect the country and the borders, and one out of three isn't bad.  Leaving us to guess which one he meant I guess.  But the moderator had already moved on...

Well, governor, what would you nullify?  There's a lot of people talking about it, got an answer for them?

Perry: uh...well, we need to stop healthcare, and our Senator over there needs to get back to Washington and stop it.  We gotta stop...

moderator: would you nullify it?

Perry runs out the clock and the moderator turns to stimulus funds.  Perry wouldn't take it if we didn't send so much to washington in the first place.  More running out the clock.

Now Hutch.  She, predictably, lists her favorite federal program as the military, except she can back her claim with her membership and leadership in various military and veterans' committees.  Claims to be fighting against healthcare now, and says that Texas now gets 92 cents back for every dollar it sends to D.C., not 76 cents, as Perry claims.  What she wants to do is eliminate the Highway Trust Fund.  We've got the roads built, so why keep collecting taxes?  Well, that sounds good, but one would think a Senator would be more effective in working on that.  Also, it's not just for highways anymore.

Mod: so what would you nullify?  Funding for ACORN. They're scary.

(That was a cheap shot, Hutch, you ignorant mutt. -nbv)

So now on to Medina, who gleefully informs us that the feds have let the veterans down, and she can't really say that the government does anything well.

Mod: answer the question, already.  You've said you think the government should only enforce treaties.

Medina: Yes. We must nullify Healthcare and get the EPA out of engergy and bidness and all will be well.

Audience question from FaceBook. OOh, aren't we modern?  A woman is worried about losing her unemployment benefits. (thanks, welfare deform -nbv).  What are you going to do?

Medina: non-answer, basic TeaB*gger boilerplate, less government, more bidness.

Perry, after it's noted by a mod that unemployment has double in his tenure: non answer, "Texas is the greatest state." Anecdote about a guy who would rather be unemployed in Texas than anywhere else.  We're great because we don't have frivolous lawsuits, and we rejected stimulus funds (f**cker)

Mod: we've lost more jobs than we've gained...

Perry: Nuh uh!

Everybody else: You're talking about '07and '08! Recession started in '09, and this is '10.

Perry:  Texas! Greatest!  My opponents are tearing Texas down! I love Texas!

Time's up.

What were we talking about again? Oh, yes, unemployment.

Hutch: lower taxes on business, get rid of the mismanagement on the unemployment fund.  Make the educational system better (well, better hurry) so kids can get good jobs (and this helps the asker how?) 

Sideswipe on Perry: We did lose 300,000 jobs in Texas.

Time's up.

Medina takes the bait:  Jobs were lost in the private sector, but the public sector jobs did go up.

Perry: wait wait wait. 1,000 people move here a day. They wouldn't if we didn't have low taxes and fair taxes.

Hutch: the business margin tax was yours.

crosstalk, Perry sputtering and Hutch saying property taxes went up because evaluations went up.  Cant' hear Medina.

Moderator: SHADDUP

Part II coming soon.